Who Am I

I seem to be always changing and evolving without asking for it. Is it the encounters with others that influence this? or...is it predetermined, a journey that I have no choice in. How many times do I wonder off the path without even knowing it. I often see others that are stagnate. Sometimes I wish I was one of them. Ignorance is blissful. It is freedom of responsibilities and wants. I find myself to be consumed with thoughts of seduction, eroticses, sexuality, bonding to more than one of either sex, controlled, safe, taken, overpowered, loved, chained, punished, caged, respected and cherished. I want all of it NOT some of it...ALL. HMM...so at the ripe old of age 40 I have found majority of men to be weak and insecure. I only say majority because there has to be some that are not. Some that are not scared of me, will not worry if they tell me no I won't leave. I just have never met them. It makes me wonder is it because my idea of strength is too high, The knight and shinning armour I am waiting to rescue me from the dragons that haunt my soul and take my mind and body at night. I am sure other women have that or feel they have it. Are their needs less than mine? I don't think I have ever been able to communicate exactly what I have wanted or needed. I have kept my thoughts, desires and fantasies to myself and simply did not have the words to articulate and udder out of my mouth.


Through my journey I have learned what these words are to describe my needs and who I am...Submissive. I need not be strong all the time, I need relief, to be able to whom I am willing to give my power to. It is what I desire the most. These pages are for me even though I share with those who might read. A Diary in a sense, my thoughts that I have to express and burn out of my head because I have kept them there to long. I am not a writer, a scholar or mentor. I was given a wonderful gift of reading people, understanding exactly who they are, their needs and weakness and why. The gift to help and teach lessons of life even when I am always learning mine. I can feel your energy good or bad. It protects me and tells me where I need to be. Sometimes I don't listen and pay for it.

I will be posting randomly and only when I have the urge, the need to release those thoughts I can not udder out my mouth. For those that are known to me as friends and come across my blog my only wish is it gives you the gift of REALLY knowing someone because these thoughts are pure and unedited. kisses to all npj