A Slave Escapes her Bonds to find a Stronger Set

As I listen to her gag....

2009-01-07T11:33:00.001-08:00

in the bathroom I am sitting here writing this. Monday was an awesome day with a raise and bonus from work. I get to quite my consulting job with a major financial lender. Tuesday about an hour after arriving to work "it" hits me. I am overcome with nausea. Fighting against "it" for several hours I finally give in to "its" calling, deed done in the bathroom and off to home. By evening one of the kids is in the bathroom and this morning another. I want my MOMMY!!! It is times like these I am overwhelmed with being a mother. Mine has been gone for almost 20 years and dad is only physically with us. I feel so venerable and just want to crawl up on one of their laps. It is about the only time I feel "lonely" in a crowded room. The ex drove over an hour to drop off all the yummy flu foods. I am grateful at least they have their daddy in time of need. What is it about getting sick and feeling like such a baby?? Is it just me? Any thoughts?

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My very first serious Spanking.....

2008-12-13T09:14:00.001-08:00

over my daddy's knee with a leather belt when I was 8. I had followed my older sister instructions to go get the sissors in the house. She cut the neighbor's cat's whiskers off. He did his deed with several strikes. I layed there still, not a word, no emotions, I was not going to give in. He stood me up , imprinted in my mind till this day, the look he gave me, shocked. Told me to go to my room. I went. It was never discussed and I never received another spanking as long as I lived under his roof. He found other ways of punishment to give to me when I was naughty. I brought the incident up later in my early adult years and asked the question "Daddy, how come you only spanked me one time my whole life?" Daddy.."I knew instantly I could never again punish you that way, it had no effect on you". My next spanking I got... I was 39. Who knew daddy's little girl would grow up to be such a KINK. npj

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More than thankful....

2008-11-27T19:24:00.001-08:00

What a wonderful day to remind us to think of what we are thankful for. I have to say foremost I am thankful for this year is being able to have grown and learned from challenges this past year. I would have never guessed a year ago today I would be happier, content, relieved, less stress than I have ever been in my entire life as I am today. I have some of the most beautiful, sincere friends anyone can ever have. They have all effected, influenced and helped me in one way or another that has brought me to where I am. Most have no idea how they have influenced me but thats ok... I love them all and everything that they bring to our friendship. Thank you!! XOXO! npj

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...the final last words to an Ending relationship.

2008-11-20T05:44:00.001-08:00

So the ex-boyfriend helped me move and among other things. I was and am very grateful for his help and even more grateful that he was ok to be around me and willing because I really needed all the help that was offered. We were friends before we dated and should of stayed that way.. but we didn't. Hince why things probably didn't work out and among other things. But after we were all done moving, returning the truck I got the strangest text. I didn't even know how to respond. It said "thank you for the opportunity to letting me serve" It made me feel like his "charity case" and not someone you supposingly cared about deeply and were the best of friends and just wanted to make sure you were ok. Is that all I was??..... ridgid and impersonal to me and I guess I would have expected a more personal text. Hmmm...the last final words to an ending relationship. disappointing...npj

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IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

2008-11-20T05:40:00.003-08:00

Damn! I need to read this everyday if not more!

In honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn! With my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's'; more 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what
Instead; let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with, and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally. I hope you have a blessed day .

Kids....popcorn party in the formal living room tonight!! Well if I had one we would.. and I have to just stop worring about what everyone thinks. We are all different and handle issues differently. Doesn't make us right or wrong. Just different. It's ok.....

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Down the yellow brick road.....

2008-11-17T21:04:00.001-08:00

Ever notice when you don't follow your heart and desire's your not happy? You go nowhere in life, wanting to change things but you don't know how...and most of us don't really know what we want. You just know where your at it is not right.. May of 06 that's all I knew I wanted but had no Idea what, just that it had to be better and different and walked out the door.........It's when we learn and reflect on those desires that things start to change without you even knowing. You struggle, go thru pain, focuses change, people change, your miserable and then one day you wake up happy. You have no idea how you got there or how until you look back and say WOW...I am on my way again and you feel the curves of your lips rise and the pit in your stomach gone and look forward to walking down that yellow brick road again... true to my desires I will always be and forever. npj

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Raw...Hide

2008-11-17T20:58:00.001-08:00

Feeling you barley rub next to my skin, tight, snugged, controlled. I hear the click, content, safe and secure. Happiness....love how you smell when I pull my wrist near my face. Please Sir, no..don't take them off. I wish to sleep with them on... npj

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Who Am I

2008-08-03T15:33:00.000-07:00

I seem to be always changing and evolving without asking for it. Is it the encounters with others that influence this? or...is it predetermined, a journey that I have no choice in. How many times do I wonder off the path without even knowing it. I often see others that are stagnate. Sometimes I wish I was one of them. Ignorance is blissful. It is freedom of responsibilities and wants. I find myself to be consumed with thoughts of seduction, eroticses, sexuality, bonding to more than one of either sex, controlled, safe, taken, overpowered, loved, chained, punished, caged, respected and cherished. I want all of it NOT some of it...ALL. HMM...so at the ripe old of age 40 I have found majority of men to be weak and insecure. I only say majority because there has to be some that are not. Some that are not scared of me, will not worry if they tell me no I won't leave. I just have never met them. It makes me wonder is it because my idea of strength is too high, The knight and shinning armour I am waiting to rescue me from the dragons that haunt my soul and take my mind and body at night. I am sure other women have that or feel they have it. Are their needs less than mine? I don't think I have ever been able to communicate exactly what I have wanted or needed. I have kept my thoughts, desires and fantasies to myself and simply did not have the words to articulate and udder out of my mouth.

Through my journey I have learned what these words are to describe my needs and who I am...Submissive. I need not be strong all the time, I need relief, to be able to whom I am willing to give my power to. It is what I desire the most. These pages are for me even though I share with those who might read. A Diary in a sense, my thoughts that I have to express and burn out of my head because I have kept them there to long. I am not a writer, a scholar or mentor. I was given a wonderful gift of reading people, understanding exactly who they are, their needs and weakness and why. The gift to help and teach lessons of life even when I am always learning mine. I can feel your energy good or bad. It protects me and tells me where I need to be. Sometimes I don't listen and pay for it.

I will be posting randomly and only when I have the urge, the need to release those thoughts I can not udder out my mouth. For those that are known to me as friends and come across my blog my only wish is it gives you the gift of REALLY knowing someone because these thoughts are pure and unedited. kisses to all npj